cenote

where the earth baptizes

cenote

/siˈnōtē/

noun

1. a natural underground reservoir of water such as occurs in the limestone of Yucatán, Mexico.

   

   Cenote

   holy water
   on foreign land,
   glimmering beneath me,
   moss and salt clinging to the air
   you mesmerize me,
   call me in gently
   through the barbed wires of my own fear,
   whispering, come, be baptized...

   obedient and distressed,
   i step from stone,
   wind clawing at my ears,
   sky rushing past my skin
   i fall from heaven
   wingless, plummeting through terror,
   throat raw with a scream
   that has been trapped in my mind for years

   chest burning like wildfire,
   i succumb, relent, release,
   submit to the descent
   forty years behind me,
   every version of me melting away
   the yes-girl who bowed until her spine cracked,
   the woman rehearsing vows in the mirror,
   the dreams of white picket fences
   that kept me caged in my own smallness

   wax memories drip from my skin,
   dissolving into the abyss
   of the never-ending fall.

   when i finally reach your waters,
   you rip at my skin with a thousand stings
   cold-fire needles,
   leaving me lacerated and open.
   i am pushed deeper than i’ve ever been
   the plunge is endless,
   the world grows darker around me
   as silence swells in my ears

   without air or fins,
   i am alien in these elements
   but there is no fight in me,
   only surrender
   hands raised, eyes closed,
   i wait in worship,
   yielding to the weightless, boundless
   embrace of the sacred underworld

   she finds me there
   divine mother hidden in the deep
   Yemenja anoints me with salt,
   breathes air into me
   like a hymn of salvation,
   whispering prayers to my spirit.
   a sermon of rebirth cleanses me,
   setting me free of past selves,
   their weight falling from my spirit
   like petals from an aging bloom,
   aiding me in my rise to new life

   i thank them—
   every version of who i was,
   who i had to be,
   so that i can be reborn
   into my sultry skin
   a body devoted to her own care,
   her desire,
   and the slow burn of pleasure

   i break the surface gasping,
   heart sprinting from my chest,
   roaring with laughter and celebration,
   salt water falling from my eyes,
   limestone in my bones,
   the cenote kissing my feet
   reminding me
   i will never again
   be the same

   Written By: Tirzah Love